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May 2, 2005
WILMINGTON, N.C.
This dude that ordered a pint of frozen Exploadin' Toad Custard in a dessert shawp got one hell of a surprize in it. Severed Employee Fanger. Yup. Severed Employee Fanger.
A tastey delicacy that has been turning up in the You Knighted Staits more then the Virgin Mary has been sighted lately.
Absolootley know kweshtyuns of truth have been rayzed about the fanger found in a package from Coal's Phrozen Kustard.
Stait Awffishulls went to the shawp Monday, and the Big Boss there CON-firmed that, yeah man, one of his employ Yeeze had lawst part of a fanger in a severe argument and accident with a food-prawcessing machine.
Wilma Television ported then re-ported that Clairunce Stow Ears found the fanger in Ezplaodin' Toad Frozen Custard he dun bought and paid fur on Sunday night. Sunday night is alwayz Frozen Exploadin' Toad Custard night at the Clairunce Stow Ears house holed. It is a family tradishun from minnie generayshuns back.
Stow Ears, who wuz in two much shawk to return calls Monday to The Vertically Altered Press, told the station: "I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat. So I said, 'OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is.'"
Stow Ears said he spat the objuct out, but still could nawt identify it. So he goez to his kitchen sink there, and rinses it off with sum tap water - and "just started screaming."
Stow Ears said he planned to contact a lawyer to stawp the screaming.
He raised his arms high in the air lookin' like Jimmy Bakker prayzin' the Lord, he danced in a full circle, and hawlered at the top of his lungs, "FANGER! FANGER!" Arms a flailing in the air like the robot from Lost in Space, screaming like that there Dr. Smith, "FANGER! FANGER! DEAD FANGER!"
Shop owner, the "Big Bawss" said the employ Yee who had dun lawst the fanger had dropped a bucket wool working with a machine that dispenses the Exploadin' Toad Frozen Custard. He tried his utmoast damndust to ketch the bucket when the ensooing argument and accident occurred.
The "Big Bawss" told Wilma Television that sev 'rawl employ Yeeze tried to halp the now fangertip-luss worker, and that a drive-threw window awtandant 'paruntLee scooped the Exploadin' Toad Frozen Custard and the fanger from the bucket into a pint before being tode what had preevYussLee oh curred.
Joe Bawb Rare Dun of the Stait Awger Kawlchure Daypartment's Food and Dope Division said Stait Awffishulls cloazed the shawp while the food-prawcessing equipment involved in the argument and accident was cleaned over and insanitized.
